I’ll admit it, I have been carrying a heavy burden the past week. I said something to a good friend that didn’t come out or turn out as I expected. It didn’t appear to be well received and I wish I had kept my mouth shut. From then on I regretted it and it was weighing on me. I tried to rationalize away what I said but to no avail. I thought about giving an apology, but was it necessary?
This went on until I had a coaching session with master coach and great friend Dave Stitt. As aside, coaches do receive coaching as well, and Dave’s session was excellent. He asked me what was on my mind and towards the end somehow asked what was really on my mind. I described my dilemma about making an apology. Now I felt dumb. Bringing up the situation with another coach. Was it that big of a deal? I guess the answer is yes.
Getting over myself
Dave did what all coaches do, he didn’t give me advice and instead shared an experience he had. At a workshop he attended, the participants were asked to list down on a piece of paper the names of all the people they had relationship issues with. They were then asked to go and make the relationship right in whatever way was necessary. Dave shared an experience of calling someone to apologize and how it felt great. The other person said it was unnecessary but Dave knew otherwise.
The apology
As I listened to Dave’s story I knew what I had to do. Pick up the phone and give an apology to my friend. It was now or never. He answered and of course said it was completely unnecessary. It didn’t matter, at that moment my burden was lifted. I responded that this call was probably more for my benefit than his, and how I had stewed over this for a week. He laughed and we had a great chat.
Looking back, it is remarkable how much energy I wasted on this when a simple apology was all that was required. It is so easy to get in our own way.
Really love this blog and this topic Andy! I like to regularly review the relationships in my life and ask myself if any apology or repair is needed. Taking the vulnerable (and sometimes scary!) step to reach out and apologize is always a good move!