Some things are hard to let go. A few years ago I wrote a blog titled ‘When To Quit‘. The article was about when you are in a hole stop digging. One of my prior colleagues at Intel reached out because he had been thinking of quitting his job at Intel but he couldn’t do it. We met for coffee and he told me his job had been sucking the life out of him for several years. I asked if he needed the money, he didn’t, he was financially secure. So why was he still working in a job that was draining him?
You might think this situation is unusual and if so, you will be surprised at how common it is. Perhaps not as extreme as this case but not too dissimilar. Many people find themselves trapped in a situation that isn’t working for them. The most common example for me is someone who wants to retire but is unable to give up working. This was the case for my colleague. His reluctance came down to fear of what he would do if he left and retired.
Why is it so hard to let go?
If that doesn’t make sense I agree with you. The problem is not anywhere near as simple as that. I could suggest lots of things my prior colleague could do but I don’t think that was why they couldn’t let go. The deeper issue relates to our identity. How we see ourselves. We have been conditioning ourselves for decades that we are a (fill in the blanks). What if we can no longer say that. Who are we? How will we introduce ourselves? What if I really am a (fill in the blanks) and that is all I can do?
The next act
Rather than cling to what we have, I find it much more helpful to bring down the curtain and focus on the next act. If Act One is over, what do we want Act Two to be? When we bring down the curtain with nothing to move towards we drift. That may sound appealing at first but we soon lose our sense of purpose. It is much better to move towards something and if that isn’t clear, it’s time to get out and try some things. My prior colleague did exactly that and a new act opened up before him.
If leaving a job to explore what’s next sounds scary then I recommend you start the process early. Start trying some new things while you are still working your current gig. Take some classes, go to some meet ups. Start swimming in pools you’d like to join. Test the water, how is it? I did this in my coaching career. At first I didn’t think it was possible to earn a living as a coach. When I joined an advanced coaching class I quickly saw a path to my Act Two that would sustain me.
What do you need to let go? What is holding you back and what do you need to replace it with?
Andy, wow. This was a very deep and meaningful lesson. Thank you for sharing. Retiring from Intel was also VERY hard for me. But when I left I had doors open that allowed me to use my technical skills in a volunteer role to help advance the fight against PKD. I have never been so blessed or happy. Was it scary? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I would encourage everyone to do some REAL soul searching about how we will spend the years, maybe days, maybe hours we have left to make a difference!